Many of us simply try to endure each day and avoid unnecessary trouble—happiness rarely enters into our aspirations. Todd Patkin is adamant that it doesn’t have to be this way—and he shares twelve steps that will bring you much closer to your greatest life. In part one the author shared six reasons why your best life can be only three months away. Here are Six MORE Reasons 

Step Six: Live in the Present. How often do your thoughts “live” in the present? More to the point, how often are they instead fixated on your disappointing or disturbing past or spent worrying about your future? If you are like most people, your percentage of time not spent in the present is way, way too high, and thus you’re missing out on life itself. If you’re ruminating on what’s already happened or fretting about what might come to pass, you’re not enjoying the blessings all around you. You’re exacerbating your anxiety and unhappiness by choosing (there’s that word again!) to dwell on things you can’t change or control.

“In order to practice being in the present, you’ll have to do a little bit of homework,” Patkin instructs. “Specifically, you’ll need to look at your past and forgive others (and yourself!) for any wrongs you might be holding on to. Also, you’ll need to identify what, exactly, you dread about the future. First, figure out how likely these things are to actually happen (in most cases, they won’t be very probable), and then plan how you’d deal with the worst-case scenario. Usually, you’ll see that even the worst turn of events would not destroy you and could be handled, albeit with some stress and difficulty.

“Once you have begun to take control of your past- and future-oriented thoughts, you can truly begin to appreciate the present moment. You’ll need to be aware of what your thoughts are ‘doing,’ and please don’t get discouraged when you find yourself going back to your old negative mental habits! In fact, pat yourself on the back because you’re noticing that you’re doing something you don’t want to do anymore. Over time, you’ll start to live the adventurous, wonderful life in the present you were always meant to!”

Step Seven: Spend More Time with Positive People. Have you ever heard of “social proof”? It’s the phenomenon of being influenced more by the people we are around the most. And what does social proof have to do with happiness? Well, if you spend as much of your time as possible with positive people, the physical and mental improvements you’ve made thus far through week seven will be much more likely to “stick”—and you’ll continually be inspired. However, if most of your friends, family, and coworkers are negative, they will inevitably pass their unhealthy attitudes on to you.

“If you’re truly serious about building a happier life for yourself, you need to look at the people with whom you spend most of your time and decide which are positive influencers and which are negative influencers,” Patkin instructs. “Gradually, you need to gravitate more toward the ‘Positives’ and distance yourself from the ‘Negatives.’ This might mean calling a positive friend and asking to meet up for coffee or a beer, or walking away from the water cooler when your coworkers begin to gripe and complain.

“Over time, your goal is to make a significant shift in terms of the people with whom you surround yourself. I know that it’s hard to put distance between yourself and a person who has been a big part of your life, but the fact is that you’re at a crossroads. Would you rather maintain relationships that are familiar, but built on negativity, or would you rather form new ones that will propel your happiness journey forward? I strongly recommend you choose the latter.”

Step Eight: Strengthen Close Relationships. Unless a family member or close friend is a truly, irredeemably toxic influence, Patkin insists that it’s always worth putting work into improving close relationships. This is simply because the quality of the relationships you have with the people you are the closest to—your family and friends—can make or break the quality of your life. Loving, supportive relationships will majorly enhance your happiness levels. But fractious, unstable, or even distant relationships with your family members and historically close friends can leave you feeling unappreciated, angry, alone, and anxious.

“So, starting with your immediate family members and the people you see every day, and then working outward, reach out to the people who are meaningful to you and tell them how important they are to you! Also, try to address any unresolved grievances and apologize for the things you may regret,” Patkin advises. “And there’s one relationship you need to focus on in particular: the one with your spouse or significant other. Put more work into this relationship than you do into anything else: your house, your car, or your job, etc. Celebrate your spouse every day. Trust me: This can make such a great difference in your emotional health, your stress levels, and your overall happiness!”

Step Nine: Be Friendlier. Although our society is more and more “connected” by technology, we interact less and less with other people on a meaningful, face-to-face level than ever before. But guess what? Extending simple human kindness to other people can make a huge difference in their lives…and in yours. This could mean starting up a conversation with the guy beside you on the subway, sincerely thanking a bank teller for her help, or just smiling at coworkers you pass in the hallway.

“Everyone on Earth is carrying some sort of burden,” Patkin points out. “You can’t make their pain, stress, or grief just magically disappear…but you can be what I call a ‘lamp-lighter’—someone who makes others feel just a little bit lighter and happier on their journey, even if only for five seconds. When you make friendliness a habit, you’ll attract kindness and smiles in return…and you’ll feel great about yourself for making a positive difference in the world!”

Step Ten: Help Others. It’s true: It really is better to give than to receive. You see, humans are by nature social beings, and we find our greatest fulfillment in helping others. Plus, reaching out a helping hand to someone who isn’t as fortunate as you tends to quash selfish impulses and highlight your own blessings. Giving of yourself doesn’t have to involve money, either—remember that your time, talents, and compassion are just as valuable as cash, if not more so.

“To put it simply, givers are happy people,” asserts Patkin. “I know; we’re all busy—but as often as you can, make the effort to do something nice to help another person or organization. This could be visiting a disabled veteran at the VA, or simply rolling your neighbor’s trashcan up the driveway! And if you have kids, you’ll be setting a wonderful example for them. I promise you, whether you’re giving time, energy, money, or encouragement, being generous will build up your self-esteem, broaden your perspective, keep you anchored in reality, and connect you to your blessings—all components of a happy life.”

Step Eleven: Deepen Your Relationship with Your “Higher Power.” Yes, spirituality (much like politics) is a touchy subject. But according to Patkin, believing in something bigger than yourself is essential to developing the kind of perspective you need to be happy. Whether you consider your Higher Power to be God, Yahweh, Allah, Buddha, Krishna, the Universe, or even just Nature or another entity, being willing and able to see and feel His (or Her, if you prefer!) presence in your life will enable you to move away from self-centeredness and focus your energy and concerns on the greater community. It’ll also provide solace and give meaning to unfortunate events and troubling life circumstances.

“Personally, I’ve been connected to the Jewish faith for my entire life,” Patkin shares. “My faith has helped me create a strong sense of identity that’s rooted in a heritage I’m proud of—but you don’t need to espouse my beliefs, or even join an organized religion and attend services regularly. What I do hope you’ll do, though, is make an effort to clarify your thoughts about faith and also make an effort to connect to your Higher Power, whether it’s through prayer, meditation, writing in a journal, doing random acts of kindness, or just spending time in nature. Eventually, I hope you’ll begin to see your Higher Power as a source of inspiration, renewal, strength, guidance, and aid—as I do.”

Step Twelve: Develop an Attitude of Gratitude. Yes, living with an “attitude of gratitude” is a clichéd concept. But across the board, grateful people are happier and healthier; yes, studies have actually shown that thankful individuals are 25 percent healthier too! And the way Patkin sees it, if you’re reading this, you have a lot to be thankful for already.

“If you live in America, you have access to great education, healthcare, and the freedom to worship and work as you choose,” he points out. “Those are huge things to be thankful for right out of the gate! We take these ‘basics’ and much more for granted, and we often have others—whether it’s an ancestor of ours, a veteran, or a coworker—to thank for them. It’s extremely important to be aware of all of your blessings, and to honor and thank those whom you owe for them. Once you start recording your blessings, you’ll probably be amazed by how long the list of people you have to thank for them is. And the humility that comes from knowing you owe so much to so many others will, in turn, spur you to give back more often to those less fortunate than yourself.”

It’s time to make a choice. Do you want to put in the effort to build a happier life for yourself and your children as well? (Always remember your kids are likely to grow up conforming to the example you set for them.) If so, you’ve got your work cut out for you—but you can also look forward to an enriched future with confidence. Or will you decide to take the path of least resistance and allow life’s unpredictability to continue to dictate your unhappiness?

“I can tell you from experience that happiness is something that’s largely within your control,” concludes Patkin. “No, you’ll never wake up and have the ‘perfect’ day with everything going just the way you’d like it to. But you can choose how you respond to life…and I promise that will make all the difference!”

About the Author: After graduating from Tufts University, Todd Patkin joined the family business and spent the next eighteen years helping to grow it to new heights. After it was purchased by Advance Auto Parts in 2005, he was free to focus on his main passions: philanthropy and giving back to the community, spending time with family and friends, and helping more people learn how to be happy. Todd lives with his wonderful wife, Yadira, their amazing son, Josh, and two great dogs, Tucker and Hunter.